Last Year's Winner: Lay's Cheesy Garlic Bread Potato Chips

I think we can all agree that Lay's dropped the ball on this year's Do Me a Flavor Contest. I mean, Cappuccino? Really? And the bacon mac n' cheese didn't taste like bacon at all, just smokiness. The mango salsa variety was far too harsh (from what I've heard). 

Their only saving grace was the Wasabi Ginger, a sweet and spicy combo that was really enhanced by the crunchy kettle chip. 

But is Wasabi Ginger, our predicted winner chip of 2014, better than last year's winner? Could it even come close?

Lay's Cheesy Garlic Bread Chip

The Do Me a Flavor Contest of 2013 was really on its game. Though the Runner-Up may not have been a fan favorite (Chicken and Waffles, in case you've blocked that from your memory), the ultimate winner has been on shelves ever since it was crowned Best New Flavor and seems to be doing pretty well! We had to see what the fuss was about.

Cheesy Garlic Bread flavored chips just make sense. It's a crispy carb that takes well to cheese (and since when is garlic not cheese's bestie?). This chip is just a smaller, thinner, crispier version of the Italian table staple, and it really does taste exactly as advertised.

Maybe that's because it actually has real ingredients in it. Like, you know, garlic and cheese. LOTS of cheese. Cheddar, Swiss, Monterey Jack, even Gouda found its way into the recipe. And you can definitely tell; it REALLY has a cheesy flavor, and the mix of different kinds was a good idea. Cheddar on its own would be too Mac N' Cheesy (and they didn't want to go down that route again), all Gouda wouldn't taste like Garlic Bread at all, etc.

And the garlic? Let's just say you shouldn't go on a first date after this. Or speak to someone less than 10 feet away.

Now, is it better than Wasabi Ginger? I'm not quite sure. I think in a head-to-head it might be pretty close, but I'm glad it didn't come to that. The world needs both of these flavors as a permanent option.

Rating: 8. Cheesy Garlic Bread shows them how it's done. 

Bad Marketing, Good Chip: Calavo Guacamole Tortilla Chips

Some of the world's greatest discoveries and inventions have come about accidentally. Penicillin. Velcro. Microwaves. 'Merica. 

And though I am hesitant to admit it, I believe Calavo has stumbled upon a genius new style of chip eating. They just don't know it yet.  

Calavo Guacamole Tortilla Chips

If you've read anything on this blog, you should know my hatred for guacamole chips by now. They never actually taste like guac, they're strangely cheesy, and I consider them to be a lazy alternative to something that I hold near and dear to my heart. 

So when BH pulled out these Calavo Guac Chips today, I was less than thrilled. 

Don't close your browser just yet! This is not going to be a heavy rant on how bad these chips are. Rather, I tasted these with an open and unbiased mind. And they were actually pretty good!

Salty (maybe a little too much). The zing of lime juice with the flavor of garlic powder sprinkled all over the chips. Maybe a strange, but welcome, dash of cheddar cheese.

All in all, a really good chip. Just not a GUAC chip. This tastes nothing like avocado. At all. Like, if you were to close your eyes and eat this and then list 100 things you thought it tasted like, filet mignon would be on that list before avocado.

However, this chip would be an excellent addition to a bowl of naked mashed avocado. It does not taste like guacamole all on its own, but rather like guacamole flavorings. 

So! If this was marketed as a sort of "Make Your Own Guac n' Dip Kit," I would love it. Why don't they do that? Seriously, Calavo, get on your game.

 Oo! And these would be excellent as nacho chips. Cover these bad boys with cheese, sour cream, beans and real guac and I'm a very happy camper.

Rating as Advertised: 2. 
Rating as a Guac Kit: 8. Yummy!!

Lay's Flavor Contest: Cappuccino

There's a reason Starbucks has taken over the world: People love coffee. Hot or iced, flavored or black, whipped into a milkshake-like concoction or simply topped with a dollop of whipped cream, coffee has so many varieties, it is sure to satisfy everyone. 

I used to eat a grande Java-chip Frappucino every single day my senior year of high school. 

Yum, 460 calories of delicious future regret.

So when Lay's marketers saw Chad Scott's suggestion for a Cappuccino-flavored potato chip, they were pretty damn excited. "Everyone loves coffee!" they shouted with glee. "This marketing campaign is going to be a cinch!" And they were right. 

But for all the wrong reasons. 

Lay's Cappuccino Flavored Chips by Chad Scott

I feel bad for Lay's cooks. They probably knew all along that crunchy potato chip and bitter, hot beverage were not going to be a good combination.

"It'll be fantastic!" the executives cried. "Just do it!"

And so they did. And they probably tried really hard, poor things. They put in cinnamon, and brown sugar, and "natural coffee flavor." They omitted most of the salt because, ew. And when the executives packed it all up in bags and smiled as they walked away, the cooks probably just had a group hug and said, "We did our best, gentlemen. We did our best."

Well, I'm sorry, Lay's. But your best is just not good enough.

These chips taste like the vomit of used coffee grinds on thin cardboard. Chewing your coffee when chocolate chips are not involved had never been on anyone's mind, and as well it shouldn't have been. The lack of salt is also disconcerting; the chip tastes naked. Bland and yet bitter. Crispy but you wouldn't know it because you spit it out after the abomination graced your tongue.

I wish I were exaggerating, but I'm really not. I could not eat more than one of these, and even then I was in pain.

Now, some people liked it. I don't know what they were given to eat as children that makes this a step up, but I think they need some therapy.

The fact is, Lay's execs are terrible people. And I think even they knew this would fail, but planned on using the allure of "Oh, they can't be THAT bad" to increase sales.

Please, don't reward Lay's. DO NOT BUY THESE CHIPS. 

And if you ever see a Lay's cook, please give him a hug and tell him it's not his fault. It's not his fault.

My Personal Rating: 0. 
The General Rating: 1. And in giving that rating, 

Lay's Flavor Contest: Wasabi Ginger

After the strangeness that was last week's Mango Salsa flavored Lay's chip, there were some who were skeptical of this Tuesday's offering. But once they took a taste, their fears turned to admiration and votes for this Japanese-inspired flavor:

Lay's Kettle Cooked Wasabi Ginger by Meneko Spigner McBeth

What a perfect combination of flavors, wasabi and ginger. The heat of the wasabi and the very specific sweetness that accompanies ginger just complement each other so well, and Lay's has really captured that flavor experience here. 

Beginning with the not-too-sweet ginger, the very crunchy chip ends with that wasabi kick (though, again, Lay's didn't shell out the cash for the real stuff. I'll let that one slide for now). The aforementioned crunchiness is a pleasantly new texture to carry these flavors that are usually atop soft rice and raw fish. 

And, of course, you can never go wrong with adding another taste profile (salty!) to the equation, making the entire chip very well-rounded without being overwhelming. 

General consensus: Freaking delicious, and it deserves to win the entire contest. 

There were some nay-sayers, and they are entitled to their opinion, however wrong it may be. 

Rating: 9. Seriously good stuff. Tell Lay's it should win.  

Lay's Flavor Contest: Mango Salsa

It's back! The Lay's Flavor Contest is back in action and this year we have some very interesting contestants to taste. It's doubtful that any of these strange flavors will stay on the shelves for long, even if they are the Grand Prize Winner, so pick up a bag today if you want to put in your vote. 

Today's flavor contestant is...

Wavy Mango Salsa Flavored Chips: By Julia Stanley-Metz

The whole "sweet and salty" thing is taking over the world right now, and this definitely fits.

Now, I have to sneak in a disclaimer here: I did not taste these chips. And I may be a bit biased against them because they would probably kill me, considering I'm allergic to mango (and kiwi, case you're wondering). The one time I'm hoping everything is artificially flavored and Lay's finally comes through with using real ingredients. Darn you, Lay's.

However, there were enough reactions to this offering (my favorite: "WOW!....that's weird.") that I believe I can piece together what these taste like and whether or not they'll be the winner.

(Spoiler alert: They totally won't be.)

The mango flavoring is apparently so overpowering that it tastes like a salted mango. Which sounds kinda gross, to be honest. But it has the wavy thing going for it, making it a heartier chip. I imagine if you were to dip this into some nice guacamole or cream-based dip it might be a good mouthful, or it could backfire and you'll be faced with a senses overload instead of a nice balance.

Suggestions from the peanut gallery: Put this flavor on a tortilla chip. Wouldn't that make more sense?

Generally, people don't like it. Which makes me think, if this beat out thousands of other entries, wouldn't you think it'd be at least somewhat tasty? At least not off-putting? You can do better than this, Lay's.
Or can you?
Guess we'll find out when we try the other flavors in the contest! Stay tuned.

Rating: Public rating: 1. My personal rating: -1. It's so bad, it could kill me.

It must be magic: Zapp's Voodoo Chips

I have no witty introductions this time. Honestly, I just want to start talking about how great this chip is.

A cousin to Zapp's other New Orleans' specialties, the Voodoo Chips have quite an interesting pattern on the bag.

Zapp's New Orleans Kettle Style VOODOO Chips

I haven't seen so many voodoo dolls since three of my friends all got dumped in the same week back in high school. But they add to the mystique of the chips, and certainly do catch the eye. Maybe you need some help first picking up a bag, but later, you'll need help putting it down.

Intentional or not, I taste two different kinds of chips in this. I like to think it's intentional (a sort of "hocus pocus" type of thing) and not that my taste buds are untrustworthy. The initial taste is rather vinegary, awakening the palate, if you will. But then you start to think, "Wait, this tastes like barbeque, too."

Salt & Vinegar to BBQ with the sweet constant of Kettle flavorings. A tasty transformation sans the witch's cauldron.

If I had to say a negative, it would probably be the greasy factor, which is a tad high. Otherwise, a great snack for when you just can't decide which chip type you wanna munch on today.

Rating: 8. Zapp's knows what they're doing when it comes to Orleans' style chips!

Saya Snow Pea Crisps, With a Secret Ingredient...

I watch a lot of Food Network. Like, a lot. On any given night, it's either Food Network, Travel Channel (because Man vs. Food or Bizarre Foods is on), or Keeping Up With the Kardashians (I love to hate them). And though Good Eats (remember when Alton Brown wasn't a total jerk?) will always hold a special place in my heart, Iron Chef has wiggled its way in, too. 

The chef-testants use the secret ingredients (anything from milk to goji berries to lobster) in such creative ways, making absolutely mouth-watering entrees and desserts while I sit at home eating leftover mac n' cheese. 

It seems the people over at Saya snack company gave their cooks a secret ingredient, too. And they put it into this:

Saya Snow Pea Crisps (A whopping 170g of them!)

Snow Pea Crisps. Baked snow peas, though they no longer look at all like snow peas. Or feel like snow peas. Or, frankly, taste like snow peas. Their taste and texture is very similar to Veggie Straws, though they crumble a bit more in the mouth, which isn't exactly unpleasant, but I wouldn't put it in the press release.

They could do with a bit more salt, as well. It seems to be really all or nothing here at the Studio; either we're drowning in the Dead Sea or in bland land. I got one tiny grain of salt on my Crisp and it did elevate my experience, slightly. But generally the snack is...blah. Kinda like unbuttered popcorn. You'll eat it because you're bored. 

And the secret ingredient? There is tunafish extract in this. I'm not kidding. Why? I have no clue. You don't taste it. It doesn't add protein or anything useful (like salinity). It just pushes vegan clientele away. 

Rating: 3. Totally not worth the calories or dead fish, but they're there when you're bored.

Jolly Time Corn on the Cob Pop Corn is Wrong on So Many Levels

Anyone who has seen me in public in the last 12 years would have no idea, but I actually have insanely curly hair. If I scrunch my hair in my hand after I get out of the shower, when it dries, I look like this poodle: 

Although not half as adorable.

Instead, I take a sizzling hot bar of iron and force my hair to obey to my own standards of beauty that require straight hair. No curls allowed. 

Meanwhile, women spend hundreds, even thousands of dollars on curling irons, volume cream and perms so their straight hair will look just like my natural hair. Just another reason women are insane (myself included). 

My point is, the grass is always greener on the other side. People always want what they don't have, and it seems that inanimate snacks are no different.  

Jolly Time Corn on the Cob Pop Corn (A Barrel of Fun!)

That's right. This is popcorn that wishes it had never been popped. It envies the fresh, buttery ear of corn, bursting with sugary juices that now exist only in its memories. But instead of wallowing in self-pity, the popcorn bought some butter-flavored cologne and pepper-speckled jewelry and voila! Corn flavored corn (similar, as you may recall, to our root flavored root.) 

It has an interesting flavor. Most people didn't seem to like it...and yet they kept eating it. Mumbling through mouthfuls about how "weird" and "gross" it was. Personally, I took one bite and that was enough. 

It smacks you in the face with corn; frankly, it's trying way too hard to be something it's not. And the flavor, which is literally exactly like an ear of grilled corn, stays for much longer than you want it to. Your mouth gets confused. Popped corn is not the medium that should carry that kind of flavor experience. 

And yet people just could not stop eating it. 

And what is this "Barrel of Fun" nonsense? Corn doesn't come in barrels as far I know. Monkeys are a barrel of fun. If this was banana flavored, maybe the whole "barrel" thing would fly. But it's not. The entire thing just makes no sense whatsoever. 

Rating: 2. Go back to being popcorn, Popcorn. We like you just the way you are.   

The Official Potato Chip of Summertime: Maui BBQ

Ah, Hawaii. 

Soft, warm sandy beaches and palm trees swaying in the slight breeze. Sunsets over the horizon that turn any man into an optimistic philosopher. The sweet taste of frozen pina coladas at the snap of your fingers. Hawaii is the ultimate paradise, a relaxing summer escape from the noise and headaches of corporate life. 

Great for when you have $30,000 burning a hole in your pocket. 

And when you have a total vacation budget of $3.75, grab a bag of summertime, instead.

Utz Kettle Classics: Maui BBQ Chips

Utz promises a "fusion of sweet & sour," and as is customary with their Kettle Classics, they deliver. An initial taste similar to our overall winners, Honey & Sriracha Chips, it starts off kinda like duck sauce, or sweet & sour sauce (which makes sense). 

The thing that doesn't make sense is the name. BBQ? Where's the BBQ flavor? Ok, so there's paprika in it, but some red spice does not a backyard barbecue make. And the Maui. Exactly what in this is supposed to transport me to Hawaii? The sugar? (Because there is sugar, and not even "organic cane sugar" or anything that's supposed to sound "clean.") I guess the citric acid might lend a fruity undertone, but a blindfolded taste test would not result in a Hawaiian barbecue description. 

Don't get me wrong, they're delicious! Addictive, even. Tangy, salty, crunchy, sweet, all the things you want in a summertime snack. But they've been given a misnomer that will surely draw first-time buyers in but may cause Utz to lose some repeat business to a feeling of abused trust. 

Rating: 8.75. Change the name and we're good to go. 

Rankings of the 25 Studio Snacks

Wonder where your favorites (and not-so-favorites) rank in my strange foodie mind? Below is a comprehensive list of the snacks I've reviewed from our Studio adventures, listed from the ones I just could not stomach to the ones I would buy in real life. 

Totally in sync with my tastes? Think I'm crazy? Either way, let me know!

Without further ado, the list. 

-KW

Studio Snacks Rankings From Least Tasty to Most Delicious

25.  On the Border Guac Blast Chips (which earned a score of nothing but disappointment)

24. Mike & Ike Buttered Popcorn Flavored Candy

23. Guacachip

22. Herr’s Old Bay Cheese Curls

21. Snyder’s Bacon Cheddar Pretzels

20. Herr’s Kettle Cheddar Horseradish Chips

19. Keebler S’mores (Both Original and Peanut Butter)

18. Ritz Bacon Crackers

17. Herr’s Old Bay Popcorn

16. Trader Joe’s Wasabi Seaweed Snack

15. Unique Pretzel “Shells”

14. Ghiradelli Cabernet Matinee Dark Chocolate

13. Cabot Horseradish Cheddar Cheese

12. Jelly Belly Ice Cream Parlor Mix

11. Utz Dark Russet Chips

10. BLT Combination of Lay’s Garden Tomato & Basil Chips and Ritz Bacon Crackers

9. Utz Sweet Potato Chips

8. Zapp’s Spicy Cajun Crawtators Potato Chips

7. Herr’s Jalepeno Poppers Chips

6. Herr’s Old Bay Potato Chips

5. Triscuit Wasabi & Soy Sauce Thin Crisps

4. Sriracha Spicy Thai Chili Dip

The Top Three…

3. Zapp’s Cajun Dill Gator-Tator Chips

2. Lay’s Garden Tomato & Basil Chips

And the Number One Snack that earned a perfect 10 score is…

1. Herr’s Extra Crunchy Honey Sriracha Chips

Thank Utz for Crunchy Sweet Potatoes!

Quick: think of a television comedy with an attractive wife and an overweight husband. Think of an inevitable episode where that husband was told he needed to lose weight. What was he eating? Scratch that, what was his wife putting in his lunch bag that he was so very sad and embarrassed about that he probably threw away on his way to McDonalds?

Something along the line of puffed rice crackers, grapefruit, limp celery sticks and 

overcooked chicken breast, right?

These depressing and rather infuriating misrepresentations of healthy eating are everywhere, and it puts people off from actively taking an interest in their health. I'm here to tell you that there's a better, absolutely delicious way. And you don't even have to give up that afternoon salty snack (I swear this isn't a Special K Diet commercial). 

Utz Kettle Classics Sweet Potato Edition (hand not included)

Now there is some debate as to whether or not Sweet Potatoes are actually healthier than regular white Russet Potatoes*, but for the sake of argument, let's just say they are. And Utz really lets their sweet but earthy flavor shine here; like other Kettle Classics, there are no extraneous ingredients or preservatives, just potato, salt, and a bit of peanut oil. 

The crunchy orange bites are not greasy in any way, shape or form, which really adds to the whole "They're totally healthy for me!" thing. And they're all twisty and folded over, so they really crunch well! 

No, they're not exactly the greasy, overly salty, stick-to-your-face potato chips you're used to, but they're definitely tasty and you'll feel better for eating them. 

Rating: 8. I'd eat these in real life! 

*For anyone who actually cares... They're pretty much the same in terms of macronutrients, but a 

100 g serving of Sweet Potatoes has 283% of your daily vitamin A intake (responsible for healthy vision and immune function, among others), while regular potatoes have 0%. They also have slightly more calcium, fiber and magnesium, but Russets have more potassium, vitamin C, and vitamin B6. Sweet Potatoes also have more sugar (4.2 g vs. 0.8 g); no misnomer there. They're both good sources of carbs and starches, so if you're getting ready for a triathlon anytime soon, either will do just fine.

Utz Sold Us Burnt Potato Chips and We Thanked Them: Dark Russets

"Waste not, want not." My dad says that all the time. It might just be an excuse to eat that last chocolate chip cookie that fell on the dirty kitchen floor, but he does say it. And when it comes to food, it really does apply. Did you know that carrot tops are pretty delicious and versatile? Or that, once you're done making your homemade guacamole (which I'm sure you're all doing now, right?), avocado seeds can be pulverized and put into smoothies for a crazy awesome nutrition boost? 

And then what about cooking "mistakes"? No such thing. I know some people who fight over the hot dog that got burnt the most on the grill, or the driest piece of chicken. So when utz accidentally over-cooked a batch of their potato chips, they didn't just throw them away! Instead, they came up with this:

Utz Kettle Classics Gourmet Dark Russets 

Their ingredients are exactly the same as their Original variety: "Whole fresh potatoes, sliced and cooked in 100% pure peanut oil, with sea salt added." But as we all know in Advertising, just slap the word "gourmet" on anything and add some flair to the font and you could sell water to a drowning man. 

I mean, burnt potato chips? How good could they be?

As it turns out, pretty darn good! Crunchy, crispy, maybe a bit too salty, which is a bit unusual for sea salt, which is known to be a bit more subtle than your average table NaCl. Guess they really poured it on to mask the overdone-ness, but it's not off-putting. They're pretty addictive, when it gets down to it. 

And I have to say, from a nutritional standpoint, I appreciate the lack of unnecessary and damaging preservatives, sugar, or "natural flavoring," whatever that means. Plus, they're gluten-free! Cholesterol-free, too, but don't get me started on that one.

Rating: 7.5. They're nothing out of the ordinary, but they do taste good! 

Trader Joe's Wasabi Seaweed. Give it a chance!

In my time spent roaming the NYC streets, looking for something that would kill 4 or 5 hours between an initial audition and dance call back (which was always so, so embarrassing), I would always pass three businesses that, without fail, had a long line in front of them: ShakeShack, The Book of Mormon's box office, and Trader Joe's. 

Now, if you have never had the pleasure of entering a TJ's, let me paint a picture for you. You walk into the produce section, filled with fabulously overpriced organic, non-GMO fruits and vegetables. Behind that is a little tasting section that I have only ever seen serve pie (and I go at 8 AM). To your left is a long bookshelf of breads, naans, muffins, wraps and gluten-free offerings, all of which still have wheat in them. And they're all around $6 each.

As you wander through the center aisles, you see the usual (oats, coffee, cookies, tea), but Trader Joe's also does this thing where they, and only they, offer these special snacks that are straight up addictive. Have you seen this?

  

It's Cookie Butter. You read that right. It's freaking whipped cookie dough, "reminiscent of gingerbread," that you can eat straight out the jar as you journey one step closer to diabetes. But it's so, so very much worth it. 

Except we didn't try that. 

We tried this:

Trader Joe's Wasabi Roasted Seaweed Snack

A lot of people turned up their noses at this one. Heck, we even put out an original flavored Seaweed Snack and we had to put it away because people were so angry towards it. But I gotta tell you, once you give it a try, it's really quite tasty. 

The spicy wasabi flavor on this extremely prominent, but it doesn't completely wipe out the ocean taste of salty seaweed any sushi lover has come to enjoy. The seaweed itself is super duper thin, so it just snaps and disintegrates in your mouth. Personally, I really liked it - a healthy potato chip alternative! Finally! 

Hey, I wonder what's in this to make it so tasty. Must be Stevia and all-natural, real wasabi.  

Let's check the ingredient label. 

"Dried seaweed, canola oil, sugar--". Crap. 

Well, nobody's perfect. Maybe now that it's not so healthy, you'll give it a chance, huh?

Rating: 6. It's no Cookie Butter, but it packs a flavor punch. 

Oh no, not this again. Guac Blast Tortilla Chips: A Review

Sit down. We need to talk. 

I'm not angry, but I am disappointed in you, America. You can do much better than this. You're just not trying hard enough; your heart just doesn't seem to be in it anymore. What happened? Where did we, as loyal consumers, fail you that you thought this mediocre product would be acceptable? Would even, dare I say, be enjoyable? 

You know what I'm talking about, America. 

No?

Please, don't play games with me. 

You do know what I'm referring to. Don't talk back to me!

What was that? Don't mumble, now. 

"You tried your best." 

You know, I wish I could believe you. But I have more faith in you than that, America. 

You can certainly do better than this:

(sigh) On the Border Guac Blast Tortilla Chips (::shakes head::)

A for Effort, I suppose. They're green, so that's something. But they taste like Doritos. That's it. And Doritos taste like nacho cheese. That's what they're supposed to taste like. We expect that when picking up an orange bag. But America, have you ever even made guacamole before? Ever smelled it? Tasted it? Because there is no nacho cheese in it. 

None. Zip. Nada.

I would say dry your eyes and get back on that horse, America, but perhaps it's time to put the whole "guacamole-flavored chips" a rest. Find a new hobby! Like, pottery making. Or basket weaving.

Rating: ...Let's just move on, shall we? 

How To Drink on the Job Without Getting Fired: Ghirardelli Cabernet Matinee

Nestled in the rolling hillsides above the Finger Lakes region in Upstate N.Y. are expansive fields of grapes. Their vines slink up strategically placed stakes, plucked only when perfect for a deep red merlot or skinny bottle of ice wine, which tastes heavenly drizzled over a scoop of vanilla ice cream. 

Each winery offers different varieties that, for a few dollars and a friendly chat, can be tasted along with cheeses, crackers, and chocolate that all enhance the flavors of each wine. 

My family is fortunate enough that we've been wine tasting up above Keuka Lake for as long as I can remember, and my favorite combination of drink and treat has always been a full-bodied red wine and dark-as-night chocolate. It's something about the smooth, bitter taste of the chocolate against a dry but fruity wine that just melts together so well. 

As much as I would love to share this exact experience with the Studio, I feel as if bringing in multiple bottles of wine to work at 1 PM on a Tuesday would be somewhat frowned upon by upper management. Luckily, we found a loophole.  

Ghirardelli Intense Dark Cabernet Matinee Chocolate (hints of blackberry, too)

No, it's not chocolate wine (though that does exist, but it shouldn't). It's dark chocolate infused with a "hint" of natural blackberry and grape flavor. Sorry, no alcohol here, but it gets the point across. The chocolate isn't as dark as I like; it's probably only about 70%, when I prefer 90%. And the grape flavor doesn't come through much. But it's still very tasty, and the sweet but sour blackberry essence comes through loud and clear, a nice note against the smooth, somewhat bitter chocolate. If you close your eyes, you may feel as if you've had a cheap wine tasting experience. 

Not exactly the real thing, but as you can see....

....no one is complaining. 

Rating: 6. No alcohol, no deep wine flavor, but it's an enjoyable bite. 

Unique to the Rescue! Pretzel Shells with Sriracha Dip

As much as I look forward these daily SnackDowns, I think I speak for everyone when I say my waistline does not enjoy it as much. I suppose it may be too much to ask for Honey-BBQ Brussels Sprouts or Spicy Frozen Grapes, but something's gotta give here or I'm going to start wearing stretchy maternity pants to work.

If only there were a snack that truly cared about the inner dieter in every Studio member. A customized snack that could fit any lifestyle and taste of the muncher without all those silly calories! Who among you has the strength of will and kindness of heart to bring humanity such a beautiful creation and not disappoint!?

Unique Pretzel "Shells" 

Genius. Pure genius. Who needs the tasteless, dry middle of a pretzel anyhow? You know you only eat it for the salty crunch, and these "Shells" are all salt, all crunch, no pointless calories. And you don't feel as guilty eating 3 (or 17) because they're really only like, what, 1/15th of a real pretzel each? They're not, in themselves, the most addictive, tasty snacks, but what hard piece of baked dough ever really is? The thing about these, though, is their shape. Like a little boat. Like they should be filled with some good guacamole, or cream cheese, or perhaps....

Rating: 6. Nothing to write home about...yet...

Dean's Sriracha Spicy Thai Chili Dip

Fun fact about Sriracha: The company has spent zero dollars on advertising. Its marketing was done primarily through word of mouth. That's how good Sriracha is. And it does not let us down in this dairy dip, adding its perfect combination of spicy heat and sweet taste to the creamy "skim milk" base (healthy!). Now, take one of those Pretzel Shells and scoop it so perfectly into the dip. You've just created your own stuffed pretzel rod, and man, is it good. Don't be afraid of the "spicy;" it's not a warning but an invitation to enhance your snacking experience ever so gently. Plus, the creamy base balances whatever heat you may find unsettling. 

The one thing that bothers me is the "Thai" in the title. When I think of thai, I think of peanuts and coconut milk, of which this dip has neither. But I will forgive Dean's their discretion, partly because two tablespoons of this stuff only has 50 calories. I think I can handle that. 

Rating: 8.75. But combined with the "Shells"? 9.5; we sold out!

Inception-Style Candies: A Snack Within a Snack

Poor Leonardo DiCaprio. No matter how many blockbuster hit movies he stars in, he never seems to impress the masses enough for an Oscar of his own. Just look at his sad, beautiful face: 

He's given the public the gift of his dedication, passion and talent so we can be entertained for hours and hours and what does he get in return!? Nothing but an internet meme and my undying love. 

What does this have to do with food, you ask? Well, food is my Kevin Bacon -- I can connect anything to it. Leo was in Inception, a fantastic movie about creating dreams within dreams in order to manipulate people's minds. What we tasted here in the Studio today was nothing short of a Snack within a Snack, and it certainly changed our perceptions of reality. 

(Stale) Mike and Ike Buttered Popcorn Flavor

Normally, we sample snack foods (e.g., potato chips) flavored with savory, "normal" food items (e.g., tomato and basil). But today, we went to a deeper level: Popcorn-flavored candy. Save $10 on that tub of popcorn at the movies by just buying this one SuperCandy! 

...except it's disgusting. 

Not even like, "Oh, it's just not my thing," unpleasant. I literally spit it out. It tastes like rock hard butter. Or even butter-flavored butter, it is THAT buttery. Melt it down and cook a steak in it, sure, but eating these Mike and Ikes straight up is just wrong. Alright, yes, they were stale (as the warning states), but I doubt a change in texture would have improved upon this much, if at all. 

Rating: 1.5. +.5 because watching people's reactions to biting into it was amusing.

Jelly Belly Ice Cream Parlor Mix (Brought to you by Cold Stone. Mmm....)

Once you've thoroughly cleansed your palate (with soap), you can try another adventure more likely to please: Jelly beans flavored like ice cream creations. Considering how popular ice cream is around here (coughMScough), it's no surprise these were a HUGE seller. Willy Wonka himself would be impressed with how Jelly Belly has successfully transferred all the childhood joys of a hand-mashed ice cream creation into a small sugar pill.

Birthday Cake, Chocolate Devotion and Apple Pie A La Cold Stone came out as the winners, but Strawberry and Mint Chocolate Chip were not left far behind. No losers in this bunch! 

Rating: 7. Interesting and yummy, but not addictive. 

Epic Meal Time Would be Sad: Snyder's Bacon Cheddar Pretzels

Sometimes I think I should have majored in psychology. I am intrigued by the inner workings of the human mind, both conscious and subconscious. I am also somewhat obsessed with food (I know, I know, you had no idea!), and one of the most popular foodie choices nowadays that can be found in breakfast foods to desserts is bacon. 

It has a cult following; people who love bacon really freaking love bacon. And the interesting thing to me, as a faux food psychologist, is that they would rather die than eat turkey bacon but they go gaga over things like this:

Snyder's of Hanover Bacon Cheddar Pretzel Pieces

Now, I'll give Snyder's some credit here: to my surprise, there is actual cheddar in this snack!! And what's more, you not only can see it, but you can taste it, too! Props to you, Snyder's. But the bacon is conspicuously absent, reminiscent of our "B"LT adventure. Though there is some sort of intangible smoke-like flavor that swirls around the cheesiness as you crunch down on the tiniest pretzel pieces ever known to man, apparently smashed by the Hulk. 

It's not very salty, and it's certainly not sweet, and though we went through the entire bag fairly quickly, no one seemed to be in love with them. Rather, they ate them because they were there. The See-Food Diet in action. 

Rating: 3. You'll eat five handfuls, but you won't know why. 

Back to Our Roots: The Return of Horseradish

It's strange to me how often horseradish is highlighted in snack foods (yes, fake sushi counts) when it is rarely, if ever, seen in a supermarket. Go ahead, look for it! Unless you're at a specialty market or the Holy Grail that is Whole Foods, you're unlikely to run across this root cousin of mustard and cabbage. 

And yet there it is, hiding in cheese (throwback time!), in "wasabi," and now, in potato chips.

HERR's Kettle Cooked Cheddar Horseradish Flavored Chips (emphasis mine, and for good reason)

Root-flavored roots, and yet they don't taste like dirt! Nor, ironically, do they taste like their namesake: Cheddar. In fact, they don't taste like much except the heated revenge of a vegetable that has been hiding in the shadows for far too long and feels it's time to shine. 

Brightly. 

Very brightly. 

Kick-you-in-the-face brightly. 

Because the moment this salty concoction hits your tongue, your mouth fills up with lava, and not the pleasant kind (though some passersby wholeheartedly disagreed, interestingly enough). It's an explosion of spicy and it does not fade for some time. "Maybe I just got a bad chip," you think to yourself, holding on to hope. And then you eat another and your hopes evaporate. Revenge of the horseradish. 

Except there's no horseradish. There are "spices," which is real specific, HERR's, thanks a lot. What, are you afraid we're going to try to replicate these at home, ruining your enterprise of too-ambitious potato chip flavors? Because we're not. And even if we did, we'd attempt to stay true to our roots and use real horseradish, like the true foodies we are. 

Rating: 3. Save your calories unless you enjoy being engulfed in flames. 

Mardi Gras in a Bag: Zapp's NOLA Kettle Chips

I watch a lot of Bizarre Foods. Not only because Andrew Zimmern is such a character, or because I enjoy watching people squirm as they eat balut for the first time, but also because I enjoy learning about different cultures. There's a reason Bizarre Foods, a consistently entertaining and educational show, is on the Travel Channel and not FN. I've seen Andrew eat homemade pho in Phucket, Thailand, filled my senses with the smells and sounds of a Chinese seafood marketplace. And some of the most fun (and best food) I've vicariously experienced (and eaten) was when he went to good ol' New Orleans, The Big Easy. 

Zapp's New Orleans Kettle Style Spicy Cajun Crawtators (aka Potato Chips)

Break out your Mardi Gras beads (however many or few you have lying around. No judgment here), we're headin' to Louisiana! Ok, maybe not really, but when you eat these chips and close your eyes, you can be transported to the street where the party never ends. Just the right amount of salty and spicy, they have a big Old Bay spice flavor, which does tend to dominate the food profiles of the Gulf Coast. Are they better than our original Old Bay Herr's Chips? I'm not quite sure. Perhaps this calls for a taste-off! 

For now, put on some brassy jazz and crunch away. 

Rating: 8. Welcome to NOLA.

Zapp's New Orleans Kettle Style Cajun Dill Gator-Tators (they don't bite)

You didn't think we'd stop at just one kind of chip, did you?? Introducing Gator-Tators (though these chips have nothing to do with alligators. At all. But it does rhyme!), crunchy and flavored with a very pungent dill spice dusting, reminiscent of Salt & Vinegar chips, if you were to dunk them in pickle juice. The scent really does travel down the hallway, inciting you to try just one... Surprisingly, they're very tasty! The word "zing" comes to mind, sharp and sour on the tongue but not overwhelmingly so like War Heads (is your mouth watering?). If you can't afford the trip down to New Orleans for some gumbo, this just might be the next-best thing. 

Rating: 9. Definitely better than balut. 

HERR's is Back in the Cheese Curl Game

We here at the Studio like to think we're nice people. We rescue kittens from trees all the time. And as nice people, we forgive and forget. So when HERR's, the company that brought us the atrocity that was Old Bay Seasoned Cheese Curls, came around with another creation, begging us to try it again, we didn't turn them away. We gave them a second chance. And the fact that they're cheese curls again really makes us saints. 

 HERR's Jalapeño Poppers Flavored Cheese Curls

The exchange was a win-win in this case. The crunchy curl creates an intriguing juxtaposition with the nacho-cheese flavoring, which evokes fond memories of neon yellow middle school lunches of nachos with that thick, creamy cheese (put that on a soft pretzel rod with a side of cold, mealy mashed potatoes, add in some mocking and ridicule and you've got my childhood). 

And then, of course, the jalapeño heat hits the back of the tongue, but not too hard that you can't enjoy the curls two, or three, or seven at a time. Spicy, cheesy, crunchy, and packed with flavor, these are perfect to accompany your next multi-hour (or multi-day) Netflix binge.

So HERR's, we forgive you. You've more than made up for your past mistakes. 

Rating: 8. We can trust again!