Lay's Flavor Contest: Cappuccino

There's a reason Starbucks has taken over the world: People love coffee. Hot or iced, flavored or black, whipped into a milkshake-like concoction or simply topped with a dollop of whipped cream, coffee has so many varieties, it is sure to satisfy everyone. 

I used to eat a grande Java-chip Frappucino every single day my senior year of high school. 

Yum, 460 calories of delicious future regret.

So when Lay's marketers saw Chad Scott's suggestion for a Cappuccino-flavored potato chip, they were pretty damn excited. "Everyone loves coffee!" they shouted with glee. "This marketing campaign is going to be a cinch!" And they were right. 

But for all the wrong reasons. 

Lay's Cappuccino Flavored Chips by Chad Scott

I feel bad for Lay's cooks. They probably knew all along that crunchy potato chip and bitter, hot beverage were not going to be a good combination.

"It'll be fantastic!" the executives cried. "Just do it!"

And so they did. And they probably tried really hard, poor things. They put in cinnamon, and brown sugar, and "natural coffee flavor." They omitted most of the salt because, ew. And when the executives packed it all up in bags and smiled as they walked away, the cooks probably just had a group hug and said, "We did our best, gentlemen. We did our best."

Well, I'm sorry, Lay's. But your best is just not good enough.

These chips taste like the vomit of used coffee grinds on thin cardboard. Chewing your coffee when chocolate chips are not involved had never been on anyone's mind, and as well it shouldn't have been. The lack of salt is also disconcerting; the chip tastes naked. Bland and yet bitter. Crispy but you wouldn't know it because you spit it out after the abomination graced your tongue.

I wish I were exaggerating, but I'm really not. I could not eat more than one of these, and even then I was in pain.

Now, some people liked it. I don't know what they were given to eat as children that makes this a step up, but I think they need some therapy.

The fact is, Lay's execs are terrible people. And I think even they knew this would fail, but planned on using the allure of "Oh, they can't be THAT bad" to increase sales.

Please, don't reward Lay's. DO NOT BUY THESE CHIPS. 

And if you ever see a Lay's cook, please give him a hug and tell him it's not his fault. It's not his fault.

My Personal Rating: 0. 
The General Rating: 1. And in giving that rating,