Jolly Time Corn on the Cob Pop Corn is Wrong on So Many Levels

Anyone who has seen me in public in the last 12 years would have no idea, but I actually have insanely curly hair. If I scrunch my hair in my hand after I get out of the shower, when it dries, I look like this poodle: 

Although not half as adorable.

Instead, I take a sizzling hot bar of iron and force my hair to obey to my own standards of beauty that require straight hair. No curls allowed. 

Meanwhile, women spend hundreds, even thousands of dollars on curling irons, volume cream and perms so their straight hair will look just like my natural hair. Just another reason women are insane (myself included). 

My point is, the grass is always greener on the other side. People always want what they don't have, and it seems that inanimate snacks are no different.  

Jolly Time Corn on the Cob Pop Corn (A Barrel of Fun!)

That's right. This is popcorn that wishes it had never been popped. It envies the fresh, buttery ear of corn, bursting with sugary juices that now exist only in its memories. But instead of wallowing in self-pity, the popcorn bought some butter-flavored cologne and pepper-speckled jewelry and voila! Corn flavored corn (similar, as you may recall, to our root flavored root.) 

It has an interesting flavor. Most people didn't seem to like it...and yet they kept eating it. Mumbling through mouthfuls about how "weird" and "gross" it was. Personally, I took one bite and that was enough. 

It smacks you in the face with corn; frankly, it's trying way too hard to be something it's not. And the flavor, which is literally exactly like an ear of grilled corn, stays for much longer than you want it to. Your mouth gets confused. Popped corn is not the medium that should carry that kind of flavor experience. 

And yet people just could not stop eating it. 

And what is this "Barrel of Fun" nonsense? Corn doesn't come in barrels as far I know. Monkeys are a barrel of fun. If this was banana flavored, maybe the whole "barrel" thing would fly. But it's not. The entire thing just makes no sense whatsoever. 

Rating: 2. Go back to being popcorn, Popcorn. We like you just the way you are.