We Need Some More S'mores, Cause I Didn't Get Any

Camping sucks. You were all thinking it, I just decided to man up and say (write) it out loud. It's hot. It's dirty. There are bugs that fly smack into your face and just don't give a damn; they just keep buzzing along. The last time I went camping (after much cajoling by my camp-mates), I began the trip by stepping on a giant caterpillar that crunched and oozed, and ended it crying on the car ride home because I felt so incredibly disgusting from not showering for 4 days. 

Pleasant. 

But the one thing I actually do enjoy when roughing it in the great outdoors is fire. And, of course, the food that accompanies fire. Hot dogs. Baked beans. And that do-it-yourself, cook-it-on-a-stick, miraculous dessert combination that is marshmallow, chocolate, and graham cracker. S'mores. 

Keelber S'mores Original Flavor (no stick required)

Apparently, a lot of other people love these iconic treats, too, because they were all gone by the time I went to taste them! Luckily, our Studio is full of food critics who have enlightened me as to what I missed out on. Turns out, they were awesome. These S'mores cookies have soft graham cracker inside, a slight twist on the traditional crispy cracker, but one that makes all the difference here, and for the better. The cream inside is not an ooey-gooey pull-apart marshmallow, a detriment to the cookie experience. It's more like Oreo cream. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but if Keebler was going for a real s'mores taste, they dropped the ball there. 

The elves' specialty, the fudge (not chocolate, people! FUDGE) coating is nothing less than sublime (or so I'm told...). 

Just light a pine-scented candle and dab on a bit of bug-spray perfume and you've got yourself a mini camping trip. Rating: 7.5. Could it get any better?

Keebler S'mores Peanut Butter Flavor (say what??!)

When I say I'm obsessed with peanut butter, I really mean it. I literally eat it every single day and I have for as far as I can remember. How I never thought to slather some peanutty goodness on a s'more is beyond me, but Keebler did it. Very successfully, I might add. But it looks like the PB replaced the marshmallow in this case, which caused Keebler to miss out on a great opportunity and a higher rating. Tsk, tsk.

And could you IMAGINE what would have happened if we had put this in the MICROWAVE for just a few seconds?! Ooey gooey fudge and peanut butter melting over soft, warm graham cracker? 

We need to do this experiment again. You know, for science. Rating: 9. PB always wins. 


EDIT: BH was nice enough to bring out some more S'mores and let me try them! And it turns out my ratings may have been slightly inflated. The lack of real marshmallow taste in the original flavor, replaced by legitimately Oreo cream, is off-putting; really the graham cracker (a bit too crumbly?) is the only real 's'mores' flavor you get. To be fair, I didn't try the PB one, but I think I'll just let that live as a legend in my imagination. 

Sweet with a Crunch and a Kick: Honey Sriracha Kettle Chips

There are some snacks that you mindlessly shove into your face by the fistful while watching 4-hour marathons of Law & Order: SVU (dun DUN!) until you reach into the bag and hit the greasy bottom, surprised you ate the whole thing. "It wasn't even that good," you lament.

And then there are some snacks that demand attention. Like soft-serve vanilla ice cream on a waffle cone on the first really hot day of summer. Or a steaming cup of silky hot chocolate, warming your hands as the snow falls.

And now, there's this: 

HERR's Extra Crunchy Kettle Cooked Honey Sriracha Potato Chips

These tasty bites have pulled "Mm"s and "Oh!"s from each participant in our food adventure today. Usually both from the same person, just 2 seconds apart. The honey sweetness is the initial taste, which, in my opinion, tastes very familiar; almost like duck sauce at a Chinese restaurant. Then the complexity builds with a sriracha wave of heat that sticks to your tongue. 

Each chip is an experience in itself -- this is certainly not a chip you can eat in large quantities. Multiple people have expressed how, though they really like it, they have to rest in between bites. Now that's a snack worth a few minutes of your time. 

Rating: Perfect 10. No complaints, just audible crunching. 

We're not big endorsers here, but we really do recommend picking up a bag.  

Guacachip Proves It's Not Easy Being Green

I remember the very first time I had guacamole. I was 17 years old, and after many wasted years of avoiding it (for what reasons, I can no longer fathom), I took a bite and was hooked. The freshness. The trademark green-ness. It's salty, it's creamy, it's exotic and it's versatile. Spicy, sweet, with corn or salsa mixed in, the illustrious avocado dip could do no wrong! 

El Sabroso Original Guacachip (With Real Avocado powder)

...or so I thought. Introducing the Guacachip (rhymes with rocketship to mediocrity), the latest and greatest invention from the minds of the lazy. Why take the time to pick out just-ripe-enough avocados, squeeze the limes, grind the sea salt and add the love necessary for some legitimate mole when you can just crack open a bag?

Yes, they are the same color as guacamole, but the likeness pretty much ends right there. The taste is either overwhelmingly salty or underwhelming in that it just tastes like a plain old tortilla chip. The "guacamole flavor" comes from sour cream, cheddar cheese (??) and "avocado powder," whatever that's supposed to be. Perhaps if you dip the chip in some actual guacamole, it would enhance the guac flavor. But alone, it's just a downright disappointment.*

Guacachip is like imitation crab meat; sure, its flavor profile maybe could pass for the real thing, but when Alaskan King Crab is on the menu, it'd be a sin to order anything else. Rating: 2. Just...no.

*It's been brought to my attention that I am, perhaps, a guacamole snob. I do not deny these claims. Rather, I invite everyone to be more cautious and careful in their guac choices. This is not a good guac choice, nor a good life choice.

Lay's Plus RITZ: A Vegan BLT

Trying to eat healthier, but falling to temptation time and time again? Are you sick of people telling you to eat more vegetables? (Seriously, you're an adult. You do what you want, gosh darnit!) Then throw away that limp, tasteless rabbit food and grab a bag of Lay's Garden Tomato & Basil: All vegetable, all vitamins, no guilt!

Lay's Garden Tomato & Basil Chips (Hey, potatoes are vegetables, too.)

Okay, so maybe this isn't the new diet fad to sweep the nation, but there is a picture of a tomato on the bag. That has to count for something, right? You're going to want to convince yourself these are just little crunchy V8 Juices because you're going to eat far too many of them. Not too salty, the tomato-basil flavor definitely shines through, though it does come in layers: tomato first, so barbecue comes to mind. But once the basil hits, just add some mozzarella and you've got a nice Caprese salad going on. Rating: 9. Pretend it's healthy. We won't tell. 

RITZ Bacon Crackers (Sans bacon. Vegans rejoice! Everyone else, not so much.)

What goes best with artificial tomato flavor? Artificial bacon flavor, of course! Alone, this RITZ Bacon cracker is sub-par. Yes, it tastes sort of like bacon, if you have only eaten burnt bacon bits off of a dirty floor your entire life. But it mostly tastes like a cracker left in a smoker. Which makes sense, because there's no bacon in it. Just "smoke flavoring," because apparently RITZ thinks we're dumb and can't tell the difference. Shame on you, RITZ! 

But with a stroke of creative, hunger-fueled genius, you can combine Lay's and RITZ's powers and KABLAM! Instant BLT sandwich! We've gotten mixed reviews on the mini-sandwich; to some, it's a godsend, while others scoff and complain of a lack of mayonnaise (which, frankly, would make the entire thing quite disgusting, if you ask me). But in general, this Diner-inspired combo gets a big thumbs up. 

Rating Alone: 4. Needs more pig and fewer lies. 

Rating Together: 7.5. Not the real thing by a long shot, but good when a craving hits. 

Just Add Fish: Triscuit Wasabi and Soy Sauce Crisps

Got a hankering for sushi but live in Kansas? Have we got the snack for you. Though we here at the Studio are aware that wasabi and soy sauce is not the strangest combination of flavors out there, it is rare to see them in such a casual Americanized format (unless, of course, you dip your deep-fried, mayo-slathered California rolls in low-sodium salt sauce and ceremoniously top them in green horseradish). So, are they everything they promise to be and more?

Brown Rice Triscuit Thin Crisps: Wasabi & Soy Sauce

It was a rare passerby that turned down this crunchy treat. The smell of sweet soy sauce just hovers over the plate, enticing people to chow down. They taste strongly of a sugary soy glaze, just sweet and salty enough, though the wasabi flavor is conspicuously absent. A quick check of the label reveals that "wasabi powder" is the last and certainly least ingredient; sugar, of course, is high above it. These really should be called "Sugar & Soy Sauce - Now With Even Less Wasabi!" Crisps, but that just sounds too honest to sell boxes of the stuff.

The brown rice base, which may act as a deterrent for those who swear they're allergic to health food, is actually a big bonus both for the whole "sushi" idea and to the strength of this chip. Almost like it's perfect to pair with something. We recommend a lovely smoked Atlantic Salmon. Rating: 8.5. Instant Sushi. Just add fish.

Cabot Horseradish Cheddar Cheese 

(Artificially flavored. Because actually putting horseradish in it would make too much sense.)

We didn't have smoked salmon, so we pulled this out instead. I'm not quite sure what originally possessed BH to pair this cheese with these Triscuits; at first glance, it doesn't quite make any sense at all (must we stress again how fish and cheese do not mix?!). But then you think, they put cream cheese in tuna rolls, and horseradish (as aforementioned) does like to masquerade as wasabi. So you put them together and Voila! That missing wasabi kick is back, balances out the Crisp's sweetness, and all your faux-sushi dreams come true! Alright, it's not like Morimoto whipped this up himself, but the word "delicious" has been thrown around the Studio. Rating: 6.5. That'll do, pig. That'll do. 

HERR's Old Bay Snacks are now OURRs

Fish and chips. A classic combination if you're from London and you use the wrong word for "French Fries" (or, lately, Freedom Fries. Because America.). But potato chips (and cheese puffs?) flavored the way a nice, flaky tilapia should be treated? How would that taste?
We didn't know. And our curiosity overtook our initial distrust of the combination, so we decided to find out.

Exhibit A:

HERR's OLD BAY Seasoned Potato Chips

(Gluten- and Trans Fat-free! It must be healthy!)

Our favorite of the three was the Potato Chip variety. A bit heavy on the celery salt, but generally a good chip that you would expect from the junk food giant. As opposed to other snacks we've sampled (sweet corn flavored chips? Oh no.), you can eat more than one of these without feeling overwhelmed by artificial flavorings and the laughter of deceptive, greedy marketers. RATING: Solid 8. 

Exhibit B:

HERR'S OLD BAY Seasoned Popcorn

At first glance, these may deceptively look as if they are caramel corn. They are not. As sad as this is, the general consensus is that these are okay. Those who are looking for a more subtle Old Bay flavor may find this choice to be to their liking, but those food ADventurers who desire more of a kick may want to save their calories for other varieties. RATING: Eh. 5. 

Exhibit C:

HERR'S OLD BAY Seasoned Cheese Curls

(Oven Baked with Real Cheese! Goodie!)

Any foodie worth their salt knows that cheese and fish do not mix. At least not well. This is no exception. Once you bite into the albeit pleasantly crunchy exterior, the Curl dissolves until you're left with what you would have if you just shoved a tablespoon of dried cheddar cheese and Old Bay Seasoning straight from the shaker can in your mouth. Does that sound pleasant to you? Spoiler Alert: It's not. RATING: 2. Stay clear.